Cancer: The Journey

As I talked with my son about the New Year, I said, "Well, we made it through another year." He said, "Yes, we did." Words often exchanged in laughter were now from the soul; somehow wishing it really had been a matter for jokes. Time has passed since the time that same son, a young man somewhere on the cusp between youth and man came in and said, "Mom, we need to talk." I, the child of the 70's, imagined all kinds of youthful shenanigans in which he might have landed. My son was a good kid. He's a good man, but he was after all a kid, or so I thought, and I was prepared for anything. Or so I thought.

When he said, "Mom, I have a lump," I was the one who wasn't ready. Before he talked to me, he had already seen a doctor, scheduled a biopsy, and decided what would be done depending on the results. He was also pretty grounded in what he realistically expected of the results.

To me, cancer was one of those things that happened to other people. Even when my own mom dealt with breast cancer, it was still something that happened to other people, or maybe the ones who came before you, your friends as you get older, but certainly not your children. And so we gathered - friends and family, in the waiting room of life, there was not a dry eye among us as the cancer named its course. As I drove home from the hospital that night, I was numb to the core of my soul, I wondered if the earth was still the same earth I had always called home, and in a daze I couldn't quite comprehend that the universe was really still standing. Every atom of my being was in disbelief; each alone, a stranger in the shattered world we now inhabited.

He's stronger now. By all accounts a survivor. A good man, my son - a son any mother would be proud of. The earth is still standing. The sun still shines and the universe is indeed intact. But, no matter how strong my feelings as a mother were, this one was a battle I couldn't fight for him.

This was not about me। Just hearing the word "cancer" sends chills up our spine, thoughts of pending doom. The journey though is personal, and for many, it's a wake up call to begin living differently. The choice is not yours as to what life throws you. How you cope with what you are thrown is indeed your choice.

The MagicStream Blog is here for sharing in the journey.

The Most Enduring Gift

As the holiday season swings into overdrive, many of us agonize one more time over the perfect holiday gift for our loved ones. No matter the budget, no matter the list, the agonizing is a yearly ritual. One of my kids' early preschool teachers had the best gift idea of all. She said no matter what else you give them, be sure to give your kids some memories. When you get down to it, memories are one of the very few things that you can count on lasting.

I still think about that bit of advice as I reminisce about the best Christmas ever when my own children were small. In the classic family tradition, they were all snug in their beds. I had just finished my holiday cleaning. Every decoration was perfect, all the gifts were neatly wrapped and truth be known, Santa had already stopped by.

Then, as fate would have it, the dog needed to go outside. I was unaware it was even raining until he trotted back in through the kitchen, leaving a tell-tale trail of muddy paw prints across my fresh shinning floor. I stared in disbelief at the muddy paw prints. They led right up to the table where Santa's treats were still waiting. And then, in a flash, I grabbed a bowl, trotted right out into the rain and scooped up my own batch of newly-minted mud.

I pondered momentarily, wondering exactly what a reindeer's footprints looked like. Then I realized that since no one in my family had ever seen them either, the only thing that really mattered was that they had to be different from those of the dog. I started the tracks at the door, and planted muddy little three-toed paw prints right beside the dog prints. I went all the way up to the kitchen table, and then back to the door again.

Then I took out a piece of paper and wrote:

"I am so sorry, but Rudolph saw the snacks on the table and he came in behind me tracking mud all over the place. I am very sorry for the mess.
Merry Christmas,
Love Santa
P.S. Thanks for the snacks."

For the finishing touch, I took a few really good bites out of some carrots and placed the stems back on the plate next to what now remained of Santa's cookies.

Of course, the kids found the note and the muddy reindeer mess before I got up. They rushed in to wake me up and tell me what Rudolph had done and for me to please not be mad at him for messing up my clean floor. Santa was really sorry. He even left a note.

What were the gifts that Christmas? I no longer have a clue. But ask the kids about the time Rudolph got loose in the house and tracked mud all over the kitchen. They will tell you and I still remember their faces and the excitement over the misadventures of Santa's errant reindeer. They'll never forget and I won't either.

Christmas was suddenly alive, it was real and the magic lived. Years later they asked me about that event and how it came about. A mom tracking mud over her own freshly-mopped floor never occurred to them. And so they believed. If there had ever been a shred of doubt in their minds, it vanished and Christmas was born once again.

You can never know when your magic moment might come. Our best ever was Rudolph's muddy mess. Everyone has a similar story, and if they don't they most certainly should. My mom told me that when she was a child all snug in her own bed, late one Christmas Eve, she heard sleigh bells in the darkness outside her window and she too believed. If you ask her about it today, she will tell you about those bells of yesteryear as if it were only last night.

This year, if you can, just for a moment, put the holiday frenzy on the back burner where it belongs. It's Christmas. Give the most enduring gift of all. Keep the magic alive. Give a memory.
I invite you to join in and share your own most special holiday memories.

Copyright Regina Pickett Garson

Positive Psychology and Mental Health

What do you think about Positive Psychology and the Positive Psychology Movement? We'll start the debate with a discussion by Professor Stephen F. Myler PhD of the UK.

Do Marriage Counselors Do More Harm Than Good?

Good experiences or were they bad? I'd like to hear some real opinions on this one.

Cyber Crime and Charity Fraud

In the week following Hurricane Katrina, over 2500 storm related domains were registered, 500 of those included the word Katrina. Many are legit, and set up to help collect relief money in the aftermath of disaster. Others are not. Cyber crime in every form is on the rise, and this includes phony charities and cyber looting. It is already speculated that cyber looting will do far more financial damage than that in stores in the aftermath of Katrina. Even as the waters churn in the Gulf and the area residents headed for higher ground, sites were popping up to collect “Funds for the Victims of Rita.” For those of us who work and/or play online, cyber crime in its various forms is an everyday reality, that doesn't however mean we should be complacent. Online and off, our best protection is most often our own street smarts. With that I invite your discussion, if you hear of a new scam post it please and share the info. The net is unfortunately a world where what you don't know, can definitely hurt you.

First steps

Sometimes the hard part is taking that initial first step, admitting you need help can be one of the hardest steps taken in life. Whether it's through therapy, a self-help group, or just a task you had been sure you could have accomplished alone, realizing you can't go it alone and walking through that door to ask for help is far from easy. Nevertheless, the universal big surprise is realizing that you are not alone. Sometimes it is a real shocker to realize just how many are sharing those proverbial same shoes. Knowing others have been in the same place as you, and they actually do know how you feel somehow makes the burden lighter. By no means does it remove that burden, but it does make it easier to bear. If you persevere there will come a time when you laugh again. It's all about the sharing though. In this one I invite you to share an instance when in order to survive you did have to reach out. You had to ask for help.